AMP: Artists' Meeting Place and Resource Collective

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see full blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, the Snought-Smithy feud. Now...

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 32

‘Good [afternoon]. You are now through to [Debbie] at [The Great Big Massive Huge Telephone Number Finding Centre]. For training and security purposes we may record this call, surreptitiously monitor your movements, follow you around, investigate your credit, police and dental records and interview close family members and work associates. This call is being charged at the [very reasonable] rate of [50p] per [second]. At this time I’d like to [waste]… sorry [take] a few minutes of your time to tell you about the other wonderful products and services we can supply to [you]. If you’d like to know more about our automated call handling system…press one followed by the hash symbol followed by your PIN. If you would like to hear the last message again...press two…’

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see full blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, the Vice-Chancellorian fatwah on Dddwwchllyff leads to global slaughter of Elvis impersonator impersonators. Now, back to Snought-of-fictitious-student-fame..

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 31

‘Snought.’

‘Smithy.’

Those two words was the limit of their exchange, it had been for years now. It was the usual routine. Whenever they failed to avoid each other and accidentally crossed paths, the two academicians would go through this customary custom of each grudgingly acknowledging the existence of the other with an absolute minimum of calorific expenditure.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see full blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, the undermining of Cymru and the rise of Samantha Panther’s reportorial star. Next, a Vice-Chancellorian fatwah on Dddwwchllyff leads to global slaughter of Elvis impersonator impersonators …

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 30
One of the problems with faking your own death is doing it convincingly enough to be convincing without making it overly elaborate (or dangerous). As a seasoned mimic mimic, Ddwwchyllff had thought it would be an easy task.

On the face of it there were certain advantages to being dead.

ALERT: See blogs excerpts below this on Mohawk Revolt, city beauty, poetry...
For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see full blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, The Vice-chancelor orders Peppet around. Next, that sinking feeling…

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 29
The subsidence had already began. It had been going on for some time in fact. The relevant local council departments and government ministries, all the ones with a vested interest, had played down any talk of such talk. While, to the likes of the Vice-chancellor and those around him that he surrounded himself with, corruption wasn’t a dirty word; subsidence certainly was. So much so that the Vice had banned all future mention of it in all the future.

ALERT: DON’T MISS LONDONLAURA’S BLOG RE PHOTO CONTEST BELOW THIS LATEST INSTALLMENT OF TCG!!!!!! For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see full blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, Samantha Panther, star reporter, meets an aging Bangladeshi – in Luxembourg. Now, Colonel Peppet, the vile Vice-chancelor, and…

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 28

Everyone else in the room was busy trying to reach Colonel Peppet. It hadn’t been easy, he was hard to keep tabs on. Eventually, after an hour, extensive internet searching, several calls to various operator services, a séance and some luck, she managed to make contact.

‘Where are you Colonel?’

‘I’m in XXXXXXXXX, on my way back from XXXXX’, came the cautious reply.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, everyone else leaves the Vice’s office, closing the door behind herself. Now, Samantha Panther, star reporter, flashes back on Uncle Wong, ponders the evils of the illegal rug trade.

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 27

Dogs and rugs and Geckos
They always come in Twos
Be they lizard wool or Corgis
Be they R_ - -- tali hoe -.

Samantha Panther re-read the crumpled text message from Uncle Wong yet again. What could it mean? She committed it to memory, broke it open and ate the fortune cookie inside.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, Wolfcastle and the literal-minded Librarian meet. Next, the Vice in a deadly fit of pique.

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 26

‘I want him inconvenienced!’

There was no need to say anymore.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, we left the Cornishman “happily engrossed in a three-way conversation about code switching with two Portuguese nuns and a Lebanese-Greek dentist” so that we could recede to Wolfcastle…

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 25
He was having a bad day. It hadn’t even technically be going for that long, the sun only having recently risen and all.

Ddwwchyllff’s line was engaged – what could he be doing at this hour? Surely the call girl wasn’t still there? He’d tried several times in a row and there was no reply. Wolfcastle stepped out of the mobile mobile phone booth© and realised that his inventive friend hadn’t actually told him how to deflate it once finished. That had been another source of annoyance. Yet another soon presented herself.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, Medium Chief Running Water ponders a possible connection between the illegal rug trade and the landmine scheme. Here, back to the wandering Cornishman, now aka Tresovian, last seen in NYC…

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 24

Ddwwchyllff was prone to mood swings. Ddwwchyllff’s most recent mood swing had swung him out of the revolving bedroom window to a fate of almost certain death, if not worse.

Peppet’s mood tended not to swing too far at all – if anything, at times, he may swing from miserable to really bloody miserable, but that was about it. He had left New York and was now making his way somewhere else. Exactly where: he would not say.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, the librarian covertly observes Wolfcastle inflate a ‘mobile phone booth’©…Now

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 23

‘What!?’

‘He… sort of… got carried away with it all sir and kind of …got swept along with the whole thing.’

‘The last thing I need right now is a dumb-ass loud-mouthed shit-for-brains dog handler deciding that he is the voice of the Cardiff police force live on the news channel!’ As he shouted, the veins on the Chief’s temples pulsated in time with his verbal emphasis.