AMP: Artists' Meeting Place and Resource Collective

WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last episode, S. Panther and Lassie emerge in the George Walker home as a busload of returnees returns and the embarrassing secret of the black gold is buried. Now, the return of everyone else.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 70

The shallow old Bangladeshi was profoundly unmoved by the doom of the gentleman who’d just been seen sliding into the drink outside the starboard porthole of the [haven’t thought of a name just yet]. And speaking of drink…he couldn’t see the sun, but surely it was over the yardarm, unless the yardarm were upside down. He would never know that the man drowning so ironically to death in a secret subterranean submarine tunnel was the famously scifictitious geology professor, Otto Lidenbrock, explorer of a secret passageway to a place once unreachable by public transportation but now apparently accessible to any old inmate at the George Walker Home for the insanely demented and luxuriously deceptive.

WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last episode, Wolfcastle, Elvis impersonator impersonator Ddwwchllyff and the lady killers argue about the significance and likelihood. How are Samantha Panther and the rest coping with the changes under foot?
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 69

Disencumbered of the superflous Mr. E, abrupt absconder from the George Walker home for the Criminally Insane and Marginally Demented, the lifft crept upward carrying its precious cargo to the welcoming surface of Cymru. So eager was the Welsh terrain to greet the cargo, it was actually sallying down to meet it en route. In no time at all the doors creaked open on rusted hinges, revealing the top floor of Mr E’s erstwhile domicile. Through the high barred windows could be seen a lot of soil, yet a lactescent sheen shone along the uppermost third of the permanently sealed glazing, casting an eerie glow across Che’s logoic brow, glinting off the pushpins that held him in place.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma.
WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, the singular Schumacher a.k.a. et al, becomes his own man. Now Ddwwchyffll, as himself, hears voices.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapte® 68 of 73

Ddwchyllf turned from the window abruptly, snapping his eyes away from the fog. The fog. It seemed it had always been there. But how was he to be sure? He’d only just arrived there himself and had no way of knowing if, prior to that occasion, there had been any fog there at all. It was all, he thought to himself, very complex and quite perturbing.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma.
WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Lassie howls a folkloric public advisory translated by ololygmancer Mme Pomme de Terre. Coming up next, the Vice subundercogitates suppressed unpleasantries; also - the notorious Schumacher, et al.
The Cardiff Grandma ©hapter 67

‘You people! Useless! Absolutely bloody useless!’ The Vice was in the midst of another of his rants. He yelled at the large TV screen some more. ‘You are meant to do what I tell you. You are meant to bend over backwards for me. This is pathetic. I don’t know why I even bother.’

He paused for breath, his angry mood making his cheek flush a deep red blue colour. He went on pounding his fists in rage, ‘Heads will roll for this…heads will bloody well roll I say!’ The TV camera perched on the end of his large wooden desk shock and wobbled as he thumped his hands down.

He composed himself, slightly. ‘Well? Go on then, roll your heads! That’s it, side to side. Come on, we’ve done this a hundred times before.’

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Sunny Quito and Rhoda Crwys stumble upon and walk on by Pam Napkins’ body. Now, the number of characters per chapter picks up! Sunny, Rhoda, Samantha, Lassie, Schumacher, Erm, Capable, young people, Short Mat, Madame Pom de Terre -- and someone named Ddwwchyllff...
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 66

Finding oneself has long been a pastime enjoyed and labored over by many members of the population. Often it comes as a result of many years of profound soul searching and introspection. The pursuit of religious, spiritual or chemically induced clarity is another method of finding oneself. Sometimes it can come out of the blue – waking in the middle of the night with an almost overwhelming sense that everything just might be alright and that it will all work out for the best. Not often does finding oneself come as a result of arriving home after a long trip abroad visiting old friends and making new ones. But this was indeed the situation into which the former freelance translator was plunged one morning.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the first part of this chapter, something occurs to Pam Napkins, wretched. Now, witnesses to the aftermath, Sunny Quito and all-star Welsh student Rhoda Crwys.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 65, continued

Upon this scene of sorrow and satisfaction happened the fun-loving deity’s golden boy Sunny Quito himself and a young woman the entity did not at first recognise and then did. Oy vey! It made Itself scarce.

Sunny Quito was several paces ahead of Rhoda Crwys and was first to arrive on the tableau:
Pam Napkins lying dead to the world across five big BEDS, obviously not about to regain consciousness before the book ended. ‘There is a god,’ thought Sunny Quito.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, The Plenty Capable Code. Still to come, something occurs to Pam Napkins, wretched landlady previously seen ladying land at the 43a Cwrt Roy Jenkins barn conversion.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 65

Schumacher stopped. He stopped so suddenly he nearly bumped into himself. Suddenly, it all added up! The whispered words he'd not been privy to, the midnight meetings he’d not been in attendance at, the meaningful glances exchanged when he wasn’t around, the plans hatched about which he knew nothing – it was a plot! It could mean but one thing: tunnels.

On the other side of town, a certain Pam Napkins was doing the rounds, collecting her protection money and spreading viscious roomers when suddenly she stopped - dead in her tracks. Good riddance. But not entirely, because the capricious deity controlling her fate wound her back up and she was off again, bustling about like a busy but efficient cliché, her capacious apron pockets working overtime and off the books. Yes, her money was safe with her, she could tell you that !

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 63/64
For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Schumacher hands the case over. Now, the blockbuster Plenty Capable Code,.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 63/64

Before we found them leaping up from the table, simultaneously rattling and chipping the china, crashing over their chairs, hauling the missing professor onto their shoulders and running out to catch the coach to Cardiff without even paying the bill, we had located Professor Erm, two inquisitive youths, Short Mat Bowls, and chronicler Plenty Capable drinking tea in Beer. Plenty Capable had reclaimed possession of the missing notes the youngsters had stolen back in ‘Wales’ in their search for the missing professor. Having been dragged across the country through the fog and the fine mist, over the Allan Fjord tidal bridge into England, up and down lanes wide and narrow into Beer‚ their shopping trolley had given out and by now was reduced to a lone wobbly wheel, the rest of it having disintegrated somewhere around Mary St. Ottery.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, the renegade bus falls into Plenty Capable hands. Next an excellent chapter, Japanese in its simplicity (we cannot take credit for this odd stereotypification we found in a secondhand shop)
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 62

Once Schumacher had satisfied himself that it was indeed an open and shut case, he shut it and opened it a few more times and then, balancing it on his head, he set off in search of anyone but the Vice-Chancellor, who wanted it. It was empty and scuffed and rancid, but if the Vice wanted it, it had probably better be kept from him unless it had a timebomb cunningly crafted into its workmanship, and Schumacher didn’t think it had. Striding up the road, one hand steadying the valise on his head, he didn’t hear the remarks made by the passing Chinese trundling their rugs and appliances about on wheels: ‘Crazywhite people! Have they never heard of a travois?’

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Mr E fugitive inmate of the George Walker Home is evicted from the lif(f)t, TV news diva Samantha Panther and Lassie are on their way up. More Beer...
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 61

Having believed that the job of tracking the author of the chronicle and owner of assorted dropped items and artifacts, which had been duly collected as the pair sought to find their former owner, the three now sat in a small café. Most of the items lost had been returned to their apparent owner.

‘What can you tell me about Short Mat Bowls?’ began the young woman.

‘Nothing!’