AMP: Artists' Meeting Place and Resource Collective

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, howling ships and lurching coyotes. What next for Samantha Panther, shameless correspondent?
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 60

Mr E. had been descending for over 90 seconds. He’d started counting the seconds after what must have been about eight minutes, when he could no longer convince himself that it was his long absence from the real world of time, Very Tiny Ping physics, child psychology and witchcraft that made the descent – for descent, it was – seem longer than what used to be usual. And slower. Faintly below him he heard a mournful bay, or maybe a roan. Except that horses don’t bark. So what was it?

\For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last episode, Sunny Quito tapes himself listening to Rhoda Crwys, but now it’s time for a four sentence interlude.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 59

Samantha Panther wasn’t dead. She’d forgotten her brush with death an hour earlier, and since she hadn’t reminded herself to remember it later she wouldn’t. Now, she was aboard the (haven’t thought of a name just yet), and since every form of recording equipment had either been swallowed or floated away she was reduced to taking mental notes: ‘cramped quarters’ ‘engine noise throbbing’ ‘no, scratch that – make it ‘sputtering’.’ ‘am on the platform from which the captain controls the ship.’ ‘some sort of briny liquid flows below us – what is it?’

Then she graciously forgot about that too –all just water under the bridge – and as she finished putting it out of her mind, the ship gave a tremendous howl and came to a stop. Somewhere in the vast Mojave desert, a coyote lurched.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Mr E, man of mystery imprisoned in a nearby asylum, carves a teaspoon “out of the only available object available to him – a geologists rock hammer” and uses the crudely fashioned utensil to painstakingly dig his way out. Now back to long flimsy Sunny Quito and good samaritan Rhoda Crwys.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 58

‘rhohhdaaa! it’s meee! sunny quiiitooo!’

Rhoda Crwys stopped. She did, after all, have a little extra time.

‘Rhoda! How are you? Do you happen to have any tape in that ladylike purse of yours?’

Rhoda blushed passively; she hadn’t a violent blood corpuscle in her body. ‘It is rather ladylike, isn’t it?’ she giggled, and gave its hips a twitch. Unsnapping its breasts, she delved into its interior. ‘Transparent, opaque, or translucent?’

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the last chapter, Samantha Panther salvages what’s left of her life. Now, another character bursts upon the scene change. Who? Possibly.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 57

In the maximum security wing of the George Walker home for the Criminally Insane and Marginally Demented, the orderly strolled along the snow white corridor in a suitably orderly manner. He made his way down the passage checking in turn through the reinforced glass viewing panels set into the solid steel doors of each room and pausing only to start again. Taking a left into the RoeDrunner annex he headed for the BhamBee television lounge and the chance to sit back and have a break before once again doing his hourly rounds of the institution’s most special ‘clients’.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
It is hoped the reader savoured the brevity of the preceding chapter. When last we saw Samantha Panther she was drowning in a subterranean submarine waterway deep under curvaceous Luxemborg. But first...

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 56

Being one of the few people to stand up to the Vice-chancellor and live to walk away was no small achievement… It was no huge achievement either of course. Probably best regarded as a pretty middling achievement as far as such things can reliably be measured and graded.

The one time resident of the small south Devon town with the distinctive name wandered….stumbled even, down the cobbled side street. Until very recently his mission had been simply to reach the town, since arriving he had been further inspired to draw his trek to a conclusion by reaching the shore, the narrow strip where the cold waters of the English Channel lapped up onto the cold land of the English coast.

‘My gods, man, where have you been?’*

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 55
For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, two “young” people paw through a strange chronicle. A brief chapter follows.

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 55

Schumacher was sure that he had got it right. He was totally convinced! Still, there would be no harm in checking it just once more. Schumacher knelt down next to the luggage a further time and eased open the clasps. Each gave a reassuring click as it sprang upwards. He lifted the lid as far as it would go, paused and then closed it again. As he secured the latches once again he was satisfied with his previous deduction.

It was indeed an open and shut case.

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, the lady killers are quelled by a voice. In another part of Caerdyff, who is Plenty Capable? And just out of curiosity, why does the American President of America keep saying other people are her?
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 54

From the Chronicles of Plenty Capable;

‘It was while the great private ear, Short Mat Bowls, musical gumshoe, was graciously allowing me, his humble servant and longtime friend, to follow behind him scribbling these notes that you, the reader, now see before you, that… urk!’

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
Did wolves invent a perpetual motion hydraulic sytem in the previous episode? Now back to Wolfcastle and the cherry-lipped assassins.

The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 53

‘You can call me Laytah’, she announced with a brief smile.

‘Yeah, I might just do that’ Wolfcastle winked in a manner that would have pleased any aging Bangladeshi diplomats who may have seen it. (None did).

‘Oh good grief! Take a look at yourself will you!’ The Librarian was looking directly at Wolfcastle. ‘You look…you look…’ she was trying to think of something mean to say, something cruelly cutting and hurtful, but couldn’t get the word out. It frustrated her greatly. She ought to be able to insult the man, she’d been on all the Librarian training courses at the Welsh University. She’d passed the ‘Bullying in the Workplace’ course with amazing speed (after she violently threatened the course leader with violence). She’d completed all three ‘Contempt for Others’ modules in her first two weeks in the job. She’d even authored the ‘Advanced Ignorance and Condescension For Non-Academic Staff’ course. Yet despite all that she still couldn’t manage to insult the man. She just couldn’t do it. For once she found herself unable to be rude and impolite on demand. What was happening to her?

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, Short Mat Bowls, ham-hardened tough-boiled jazz shamus. Now, we learn how Caerdydd’s distant past is intertwined with wolves.
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 52

The origins of the River Taff,* whose name is the forebear of our present day word ‘tavern’, are shrouded in heavy fog. According to legend it flowed downhill from what used to be uplands as meltoff from snow. Modern scientific fact tells us that at no time in geological history was there enough snow meltoff in the entire world to account for the Taff, whose breadth and width can only be imagined. The most popular myth is based on an ancient piece of correspondence etched on a stone slate dated 12 B.C.

14:05:22>Samhedrin>12 B.C. GST

For earlier Chapters and an explanation of this dreadful story, see blog: The Cardiff Grandma. WARNING: This novel contains fake Welsh.
In the previous episode, Sunny Quito, not dead after all, just flattened and elongated, joins forces with the other Welsh University student, the Welsh one, Rhoda Crwys. Now what? More Beer® perhaps?
The Cardiff Grandma Chapter 51

For all of his failings the hard-boiled, ham-fisted, bullheaded bloodhound of a detective, was good at his job. The defective detective was an inspector of collectors of retrospective prohibited musical invective. That is to say he spent his nights as an undercover officer for the Jazz Police, tootling around the back streets of downtown Beer®, where it mingled and merged with the fringes of Seaton, keeping an eye out for illicit movements of, and trading in, imported vinyl. Particularly those pieces that should never have even been considered for parole, let alone be released upon the public. It wasn’t especially dirty or hard work… but someone had to do it.