AMP: Artists' Meeting Place and Resource Collective

You've heard of WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment), ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling), Smack Down, and Raw. Now get ready to rumble with AWE: Americans Wrestling the Economy!

Tonight's main event occurring on the U.S.-shaped apron pits business-suited bozark, Typhoon Laurie, against (with voice echo effect) The Economy. Tag teaming with Typhoon are (more voice echo effect) Education and Experience. The Economy is joined by (here's that echo effect again) Monster Workforce and Cost of Living.

The bell has sounded. Typhoon is hoisted up by Education and Experience to a highspot where she opens up with a flying squirrel landing her smack dab on Monster Workforce's burly back. MW attempts a dervish but can't shake her. Education and Experience get MW in a lock, bringing him to his knees when...

What's this? Qualifications, MW's coach, has called a time out. An argument is heating up. Looks like a bonzo gonzo is about to break out, but no! The referee has diqualified both Typhoon's tag team players for being overqualified! Ed. and Ex. leave the ring in humiliation. Typhoon can hardly believe it! The bell rings. Time for round 2.

Typhoon doesn't aim so high this time. She grapples MW's waist in a fierce vice-grip and tangoes with her opponent until The Economy lands a cheap shot into her tweed-clad backside with a downsize. The Economy slams down hard and pins her to the apron. The ref runs out and taps down "one... two...." At the two-and-a-half count, Typhoon has scrambled out from uner The Big E's dead weight. Time for Round 3.

Brushing out the wrinkles in her suit and straightening her frazzled hair, Typhoon musters up her fighting spirit. She circles MW on Mid-West portion of the mat. In a deft strategy, she swiftly relocates to the Mid-Atlantic then makes her move with a bum rush. But oh, no! She is slapped back into the ropes by MWs nasty backhand of age and gender discrimination! Typhoon calls "Foul," but the ref claims his back was turned thus making him blind to the action. Typhon appeals to one of the arbitration judges,Labor Law. He wanly points out the "At Will" clause binding his hands.

Seeing Typhoon trapped against the ropes, Cost of Living leaps in to enforce a hangman. Typhoon fights against the twsiting choke hold of rent, food, and gas hikes coiling around her dwindling assets. It looks as though the workhorse diva is going down in a fit of apoplecty.

What's this now? The ref signals another time out. Gasping and juicing, Typhoon slumps to the mat. She calls for HealthCare to come to her aid. Health Care steps into the ring and drops her a bandaid with the explanation Typhoon hasn't gone enough rounds to merit full benefits.

Can it be true? Typhoon is up on her feet and wobbling back into the fray! She lunges to lock onto Monster Workforce's feet and gets dragged along the New England coastline of the apron until The Economy picks her up and tosses her through the ropes in a skin-the-cat maneouver. She is out of the ring! The Economy wins in a no-holds-barred beat down!

In a post-game interview, Typhoon Laurie (now reduced to a tropical depression) had this to say as she blew off venue: "It's obvious I am no match for The Economy in the American arena. I'd probably do better in the Asian market. Hell, I'd even take on Kuwait!"

Epilogue: Millions of skilled and educated Americans wind up leaving the ring to work overseas because they feel the American game is fixed by nepotism, chronyism, ageism. racism, and other lame, unfounded biases. The rulemakers don't follow their own regulations and commit fouls against the labor force left and right. Labor Laws and worker organizations are impotent referees. Such circus antics cheapen the show, making our workplace look no better than a cheesy, low-brow smack-down.

This metaphorical analogy brought to you by My Nightmares, a subsidiary of Dashed Hopes and Dreams for Economic Viability. All loss of labor rights reserved.